the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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