Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
