I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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