You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize