His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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