I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
