Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
