my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
