If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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