We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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