The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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