So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
