Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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