Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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