absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Porn is love you can see.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
