I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
