But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
