I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
