hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
