he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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