I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
