drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
