Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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