I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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