I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
