from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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