oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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