Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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