is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
