We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
