My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
