when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
