Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
