I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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