Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
