so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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