to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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