She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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