just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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