just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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