my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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