rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
