we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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