and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
