So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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