I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
