I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize