i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
