Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
