If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
