If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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