Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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