He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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