There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
