Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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