Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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