your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
