i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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