I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
