Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
