i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
