Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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