You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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