what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
